If I knew then, what I know now.

What would you say to yourself 5 years ago? 10 years ago? What about your future self? Would you go back in time and change anything if you could, or are you content with exactly how your life is and has gone?

This idea was sparked in my head when I was replaying a conversation over and over in my head, thinking of all of the things that I could’ve said but didn’t. This happens to me quite often where I think about a conversation and wish that I could’ve changed the delivery of something I said, or just plain what I said. I don’t know if you have ever done this before, but if you have, how does it make you feel? After I mull it over and pine over it for a few hours (or days), I am left frustrated.

It’s kind of a funny idea because there is nothing we can do about it. We know that we can’t travel back in time and that our words have been solidified forever. But what if we could travel back in time, what if we could change our words? Would you?

I would like to think that I wouldn’t. I just had a conversation with someone the other day about how everything that we may regret in our lives or wish we could go back and change, has created a story and a lesson for us now. I mean think about that, we really are blessed by our regrets in life, because they shape us into who we are today. Without the things that we messed up, where would we be?

If you changed a word or changed the delivery of a sentence, your whole life could be different, or maybe it wouldn’t affect anything, who knows. But, for me, there is something to be said about wishing I could give my younger self some advice.

I have moments in my life where I consciously think, remember this moment or remember this feeling. You know that feeling when you are talking to someone you like? Like, like like? And you’re texting away, giddy for the next response and they say something funny or sweet and you get butterflies in your stomach. Those are the kind of feelings I am talking about and that I want to hold on to.

There are a few moments in my life, that I have very clear mental notes that I go back to from time to time. Moments kind of like the one above where I remember feeling almost sick because I was so happy. Or another example, right before my surgery, I made a note, a physical note of all of the pains that I felt. I did that because I wanted to compare how far I would eventually come after recovering.

That is something I wish I could tell my younger self, hold onto your memories, good and bad. Remember what you have done, what experiences you have had, all of the important days in your life, so that you can sit back and remember. This kind of seems like a silly thing for me to start off with. However, I was thinking about the plan that God has for my life, how He is always there, He knows everything and He remembers everything. And I thought to myself, I don’t really remember a lot from when I was younger.

I remember really big days, like when my cousins were born, or my friends wedding days, or my last day of high school. But there have been so many days in between, so many seemingly non important days that have made me, me, that I don’t have good memory of.

Something else along these lines that I would tell myself is to slow down. I have always been in such a big hurry to grow up. I think a lot of us are like this, we cannot wait for what comes next, we want to be independent and live our best lives. But I think this takes away from the little things, in my own life. I go so fast, I don’t see what I have in front of me.

A lot of what I would tell myself sounds a tad cliche in my head. “Slow down, hold onto precious memories,” but it’s like my eyes have been opened to what people have always told me my whole life. I wouldn’t choose to go back to high school now but I remember that I did have a lot of fun. I wouldn’t choose to start college over again but I wouldn’t trade the experiences that I had for anything. I just wish I had enjoyed it all more like everyone always told me to.

I would also tell myself to put Jesus first in all of the things I do. I still struggle with this today but I realize now, how much more fulfilling life is when God is at the center of it all. When I surround myself with people of the same faith as me, I enjoy and cherish my time more. When I dive deep into His word and utilize His teachings every day in my life, I always, always have a better day and a happier heart.

Living with a grateful heart can be really hard sometimes, but when we take a step back and look at how many blessings God has given us, it is amazing to see his hand in each part of our lives.

That’s another thing I would tell myself. Stop comparing yourself to everyone else. They are not you, you are not them, and Jesus designed you uniquely to be you! I cannot stress this one enough because it has made such a significant impact on my life, especially when I was growing up. I know I was too caught up in what everyone else thought of me. Whether it be social media, the boyfriend I had, the clothing I wore, it seems like everything I did was for everyone else.

So now, coming to the end of my string of thoughts and the end of this blog post, I circle back around to my first idea. I wouldn’t change any of this for the world. Putting my worth in other people when I was younger, taught me to appreciate who I am and how unique I am now that I have grown. Moving through life at the fastest pace possible, gave me a sense of awareness now of just how fast everything moves. I wouldn’t be as motivated or as hard of a worker as I am, had I not strived to be the best I could at all times.

So my question to you, what would you tell yourself? What are the things in life, that have taught you the biggest lessons? I am curious to know all about you, who you are, how has God taught you major lessons throughout your life!

Don’t forget, that He is always teaching us things. Every situation and circumstance He uses for His good, even if we cannot see it right now. Hold steady in His love and His faithfulness – you are doing wonderful.

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