I started writing this on Sunday right after church and had to collect my thoughts a little, that is why it sounds like I just came out of church. I hope you enjoy!
This morning I was sitting in church, listening to our fabulous pastor talk about our perception of God’s silence and it made me think a lot about my prayers and my expectations. Often times I forget a simple truth that I have been taught throughout my life and spiritual walk with Jesus.
Our lives do not work off of our timeline, but our Heavenly Father’s. It’s very simple and fundamental to my faith, but it gets lost so often when I am praying or calling upon God especially in times of trouble.
I think I get so caught up in where I am in life, what is going on and such, that I forget about how God works and His faithfulness. Or maybe it is not so much as me forgetting, rather wanting things to go my way all of the time.
Does anyone else ever feel like it’s a one way street sometimes though? I talk and there’s no answer?
That is what we talked about in church this morning. That absence of Gods voice and plan does not mean that there is an absence of activity. His timeline, His purpose and plan are so so so much bigger than the things that we have in mind for our lives and we have become so impatient over not getting what WE want and right now (or at least I have).
This is kind of a crazy thing to think about when we are able to take a step back and look at all of the things that we have been blessed with. There was a time when I prayed to make time speed up so that high school would move super fast and I could graduate already. There have been times that I prayed for strength to make the right decision about relationships I have been in, what my next step was. There was a time where I prayed about what college I was supposed to be going to.
Over time, when in each of these moments I prayed and they were silently or very loudly answered, it seems that I abruptly forget about them right after. Once I decided where I was going to college, I was done praying about it and I started getting ready for it. Once I graduated high school, I said good riddance and I am glad to be done, rather than pray about something in the past. Once I heard the answer about what my relationship was supposed to look like and the kind of man that I was supposed to be with, I moved on and started thinking about other things.
For me, it is a weird concept to think about given that there have been many situations in my life like this, things that I would consider big decisions or big parts of my life, that were easily forgotten about after they had been answered. I think these are the kind of situations that should drive my prayer life but I have such a hard time remembering that when I am in the moment. I pray and pray and pray and I don’t think that I am getting an answer, when in all reality, all of those other situations, my answer was not necessarily immediate.
I had to wait.
Waiting is HARD y’all. It is so hard to wait on God’s timing and God’s plan. Currently in my life, one of the things that I have been struggling with in my prayers is my future husband. I have talked about this in a few posts before but I think it is something that A LOT of people struggle with or have struggled with in the past.
I have been in a few relationships in the past and I have learned valuable things about myself and about what I want/need from all of them. I have nothing but love in my heart for all of those guys, but I know that the Lord has something wonderful in store for me that doesn’t include them.
The thing about this prayer is it is the one that I think I am most impatient about. The funny thing is, I don’t think it is the right time for me to meet someone like that, but like I said in one of my earlier posts, sometimes I really long to be somebody’s, somebody.
I can recognize that in my life right now, there are so many things that I should be focusing on, like my healing, my family, my job, creating relationships with women my age, and even who I am as a woman of God. There are many things, big things that God is working on that I should have be focusing on too.
I think a problem that I have with this prayer as well, is that often it seems like the most important thing that will ever happen in my life. For a long long time, I have wanted to get married and have a family. I have longed for God to fulfill me in that way and bless me with those people in my life. I often forget about all of the other blessings that I have been given and put my future husband on a pedestal, and he becomes my end goal.
God blesses marriages that are in Him and I believe that God loves marriage. But we have to remember that we are also singularly children of God, and he loves us without a significant other. He created us in His image to spread His word, and things like marriage and children are amazing blessings that we have in this life.
I didn’t mean for this post to turn into waiting on my future, however, this blog is really all about staying on mission with Gods purpose and plan for my life. I want to honor Him in every aspect of my life, my future spouse included.
Really, one of the main things that I have been thinking about a lot lately though is prayer. I want to become comfortable in the silence and the waiting, God is still working even if we don’t see Him all up close and personal. God has a beautiful plan for our lives, and I of all people know that it can be really difficult to see and to wait but that is really all we can do. And keep praying. The Lord will bless you with an answer one way or the other.
Do not lose heart my friends, God is listening to your prayers, even when you stop praying them. He knows the innermost workings of your heart, your desires, dreams, and the things that you haven’t even thought yet. Things may seem tough now, but the answer is coming, soon.