Changes.

So I have had so many huge life changes that have happened in the past few months, and let me tell you, it has not been easy. My relationship status has changed, my jobs have changed, I have fought with the people that I am closest to and made some really difficult and stupid decisions. I think that I have fallen away from what I always wanted, how I wanted to live and carry myself. I wanted to be happy and I pushed away the things that could’ve made me happy but weren’t doing what I needed. Then I realized that I cannot depend on other people to give me the happiness that I wanted.

That comes from two things. God. And myself.

I realized that I was seeking assurance from people who couldn’t give it to me and I was seeking things that only I could give myself. Here is the thing friends, I think this happens to me so often that I get caught up in everyone else, pleasing everyone else, investing in everyone else, being there for everyone else and I am not there for myself.

Self care is SO important y’all.

Now I don’t think that means that I have to cut everyone out of my life. In fact, I think it is quite the opposite. Despite my sudden revelation that only I can make myself happy, other people bring so much joy into my life. Through all of the yucky changes that have happened, so much good has also come out of it. I have a brand new fantastic job that I love! I have wonderful new friends that I cherish so much, they all mean the world to me and have impacted my heart in ways they can’t imagine. I have found passions and desires, goals and hopes for the future. I love it becuase I have finally figured out that it is okay to not know what you want.

Did you hear that? It is totally okay to be lost!!

Being lost means that eventually you will be found. So with all of that said, I think that my heart is longing for Jesus more than it ever has before. I realized that there is this huge God shaped hole in my heart and in my mind, and I constantly ignore it on a regular basis. And it just gets bigger people. The hole just keeps stretching and becoming more uncomfortable. Like Jesus is tugging it bigger to say, uh hello look at me, fill it up with me. I don’t want to ignore it anymore and pay attention to my flesh, He is the only thing that will fill me up and that is a eye opening feeling.

Don’t ignore the hole in your heart anymore, Jesus just wants to fill it for you.

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