I think today is the first day in this new year of school where I kind of am starting to feel like I am settled in. I have my schedule down and my routines in place, now its just a matter of keeping on top of it.
It has been a really long time since I have posted on this blog and I am really starting to feel it. I think God has been speaking to me so much since I stopped posting and now I feel this sudden urge to share all I have heard. First, I will start off with a little updated about what is going on!
I am an RA this year, praise Jesus! That is super exciting because I have a super unique opportunity to minister to people as well as being a huge example and influence in a lot of peoples lives. I am not going to lie to you and say that this is a super easy task, because it definitely is not. I have been struggling a lot, but have also been so blessed by that struggle and all of the things that accompany it. My class load is pretty heavy this semester, but everything is so exciting as all of my classes are getting more and more specialized. Every class I walk into, I am exhausted, but I also feel energized into thinking, I can do this.
Okay so now onto the good stuff. Let me tell you. So much stuff has happened in the past few months and God has really called my heart to step out onto the stormy and calm water. I feel like I have been tested, tried and loved. I have felt the whole range of emotions that one could ever feel. And the thing that I think is kinda cool is that I am not alone. I know that, there are so many other people who are out there struggling with their own things. God kinda knocked me to my senses and showed me that the world doesn’t revolve around me and my thoughts and ideas aren’t always the be all end all. Something I have greatly been struggling with is the concept of unrelenting and unconditional love. This is one of the themes this year that just keeps popping up. In sermons, in chats with friends, in training, in life. I knew that was something that I needed to seek after, and this is actually a really hard thing to continuously seek after. We as human beings find conditional love much easier than God’s love. We say, I will love you if, or I love you but, or I love everything about you except I might change this. Whereas God says, I love you. I am in love with you. You are my child, I created your innermost being and I love every atom and piece and structure in your body. There is no ‘but’ with God.
I think this is something that we are called to do. He tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves. Maybe this is why it’s so hard. He says to love everyone as we love ourselves and I can tell you a majority of the population, of followers of Christ, and I don’t love ourselves with the unconditional love that Christ has for us. We often find the fault in our own lives and we criticize ourselves. “Why was I made this way?” That is a question I ask myself a lot and I think I have come to the realization that it is so disrespectful. God literally created me to be perfect, He loves everything about me, He knit me together. And yet I am asking Him why I was made this way. He loves all my faults, He loves it even more when I come running back.
I started reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan, and I am barely a couple chapters in, but if you haven’t read it, go out and buy it and read it. It is one of the most spiritually revitalizing and rejuvenating books I have ever read. Francis Chan does this really cool thing where he accompanies each chapter with an intro youtube video. The first one, rocked my world. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MlGmO_6EoE Even if you don’t have the book or have never read it go and watch it. This changed my perspective on prayer. I think that prayer is essential to calming all of the things I have been talking about above. Chan talks about asking for a new experience every time that you pray and I never had even thought about talking to God that way. This book, is changing a lot of things in my life and I think it could do some good in someone else’s life.
Well that’s all for now. I really hope to post a little bit more this school year and I am really excited to catalog the journey that I am on! I am praying for you all, have a great week!